The Worst Fanfic Ever
by highonair435
Summary: This is the worst fanfic ever. Inspired by a really bad fanfic I read. Bella, who grows up in an enchilada farm, meets the notorious gangsta, E Cullen. Enter Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. What happens next? No lemons, just humor. R&R :D
1. Two Enchilada Crossed Lovers

**This fanfic was inspired by a writer who I think really sucks at writing fanfics, and for a while I called her story the worst ever. But right now I'm about to prove her wrong. Introducing.... the worst fanfic ever.**

**Enjoy!**

Hi, I'm Bella Swan! I'm moving to a new town called Forks, where its really cold and my dad lives. My dads name Charlie and my moms name Renee, but she lives in Texas growing an enchilada farm.

I was the first day of school, and I was tripping. Then someone caught me. He had some grillz and chain bracelet that hung down REAL low... with his cap tilted to the side. He made me wanna DANCE!

"Yo, wangsta. Mah names Cullen. Eddie Cullen. You can't best me out in these parts."

"Aw, shucks. Hellow, Eddie. Mah names Belluh. And I come from the heart of Texas." I hiccuped, giggling.

"What class you have next, momma llama?" he said.

"Oh, I have Math!"

"Don't worry, hot stuff. I'll walk ya. Word."

"AW SHUCKS!"

After school he walks me home too, and then he stops at the door. My dad, Charlie (didn't I already say that? Oh yeah, Charlie has a moustache.) isnt there. WHAT WAS I GONNA COOK HIM FOR DINNER? DID HE LIKE ENCHILADAS?, CAUSE THAT WAS ALL THAT I COULD MAKE, GROWING UP IN AN ENCHILADA FARM AND ALL!!!!

"Bella, mah homegurl. Yo cool. Yo know yah cool right. So ima be up front with you, girl, aight? I like you. Yo a hot red pajama.

"Ooh... Eddie. Ya sure know how to impress a southener like me! My hearts like a Honkey Tonk set on FIRE!" My eyelids flutter.

"Don't I know it, babe? Aight, let's go to da GROTTO. Word."

"Ya'll... what's da Grotto? Can I start my enchilada farm there??"

"Start it later, babe. We goin to da GROTTO!!!"

So we went to the Grotto, and roleplayed Angie and Brad before they had kids, if ya know what I mean.

"OH MY GOD EDDIE!" I screamed in the Grotto. "OH IN THE HOLY NAME OF PEANUT BUTTER!"

"Bella be my babydaddy what? Whaddup shuga cakes?"

"MY STOMACH'S EXPLODING! WHAT'S COMING OUT OF ME????? YA'LL!!"

"Oh, snap. Babe, you gotz to CHILL! It's just da baby makin its way through. Looks like its a him. Whadya wanna call him, eh?"

Then I saw it. It was big and green, like a dragon snake. Obviously it was a her, because it had seaweed for hair. It looked like an oversized enchilada of my dream.

"Nessie...." I breathed. "So.... beautiful."

"Look just like the daddy..." he sniffled. "That things gonna be a showstopper bro. Word."

And we lived happily ever after in the Grotto, where we belonged. The End.

**Wow, that was really horrible wasn't it? Now I hold rank for the worst fanfic ever. Review! (If your not thinking WTF at this story.)**


	2. The Secret Life of the Oreo Cakester

**Okay, I had way too much fun writing this. It's going to be a story now. :D**

**Here you go :]**

**The Secret Life of the Oreo Cakester**

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Me and Eddiepuss were eatching enchiladas inside the grotto. We ignored the noise, beacause we knew it was Nessie frolicking around in our very own onion garden.

"Bellerz... theres something I havent told ya, cool cucumber."

"Why golly gee! What's a-hankerin' ya Eddiepuss?"

He was hesitant for a split second, a split second too much. I started to cry in heaving sobs, because I knew what he was about to say.

"BUT WHY?? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?? BESIDES MAKING YOU DOO-DOO IN THE FRONT PORCH CAUSE OF A OVERDOSE OF GUACAMOLE?? DON'T LEAVE ME EDDIE!!" I sobbed.

He whistled. AW SHUCKS! He was one hot honkey tonk!

"Wangsta, don't cry. I heart cha ya cool kitty. Now, be quiet, because I don't want the Nessterz to know about this," he whispered. My eyes widened.

And there was our..... umm.... recently discovered hemaphrodite of a cutie pie skipping in our garden of onions, laughing carelessly. My oh my, did I have to hatch something so beautiful?

"The thing is," he mumbled, "I'm a--" _THUMP!_

"What?"

"I'm a---"

_THUMPITYTHUMP!_

"I CANT HEAR YOU SHMUCKUMS!!"

_THUMP!!_

"I'M A FENCE HOPPER! OKAY?? IM A FENCE HOPPER! DON'T DIVORCE ME!"

Suddenly something crashed in the window. WHAT IN THE NAME OF HOLY PEANUT BUTTER WAS THAT???

The stranger flew his cape and cried, "I AM DON PEDRITO, THE ONLY WEREPIRE IN EXISTENCE! HELLO, MY FELLOW FENCE HOPPER!"

Sure enough, he had a moustache and his hair slicked back like that weird dad from S_py Kids_ who's name escapes me. He was the pure definiton of a beaner.

"OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE MY HERO!! YOU CAN EAT 13431 ENCHILADAS IN A MINUTE, RIGHT???" I was so excited. He was my hero!

"NAW!!! You are WRONG, _mija! _I do not eat 13431 enchiladas in a minute. I eat 13431 CAKESTERS in a minute."

"_Que boberia! _I do not want a record-holding CAKESTER eater dwelling in my onion farm/grotto/phantom-of-the-opera-like lair! I WANT AN ENCHILADA EATER!!!" I cried, disgusted by his very cakester-eating prescence.

"Ah, but one bite, and it is ALL it takes to switch to the weight-loss-inducing oreo cakester diet. Just try it. One bite. You will lose all of that enchilada/onion booty luggage, _mama._"

Then he thrust a handful of oreo cakesters into my palms. My eyes watered.

"YOU DARE TELL ME TO TURN AWAY FROM MY HERITAGE, MY LIFE, MY ENCHILADA FARM IN TEX-"

I stopped.

He had force-fed a cakester into my mouth.

I had never, never, never, never, never lived life the same way I have before.

"Oh mah goodnisss.... This is some.... some... some.... YIPPEEE!"

So then I started bouncing up and down, side to side, all the way around, like a ping pong trapped in a ping pong game with no little bouncing things in the bottom, if ya get what im digging at. YALL!!!

That was the last time I had an enchilada.

It was a new beginning, a new life, a new start in the world.

I was going to be....

An Oreo Cakester farmer.

**Review! Part three coming soon, lmaooo :]**


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